There was an eerie sense of calm, where i reside, on the 14th of August 2013 . And the same eerie sense of calm was there y'day. Do i know any of those who lost their lives? No, i don't. But it's a deep sense of loss, of tragedy, of helplessness.
It's a feeling of numbness when i watch the news channels broadcasting about the INS Sindhuratna tragedy. They're debating, they're questioning, they're assuming, they're wondering, they're thrashing, they're praising, they're blaming.....................but for the men in uniform across the three glorious services - The Indian Navy, The Indian Army and The Indian Air Force, the show must go on, no matter how angry they are, no matter how hurt they are.................and, for us the families of these brave and fiercely patriotic men, the show too must go on.
I feel numb because hearing all what is said, reading all what is written, is like the world screaming at your face all that you have maybe known, maybe felt all along, but have kept quiet. You feel good that voices are being raised, questions being asked and then you feel numb because, does it take the losing of lives for these voices and questions? It was the same sense of numbness when our soldiers were beheaded by the neighbouring country.
I am proud that i have the privilege and honour of being born to a uniformed man, of being married to a uniformed man, of being a sister to a uniformed man, of being a daughter-in-law to a uniformed man! Through all these roles the one thing i have learnt is that you just go on, you do not complain, you do not cry yourself hoarse, you just do what you have to do NO MATTER WHAT, because that's what you're meant to do.
Where do we really belong? Honestly, we belong to wherever we are sent to! Yes, we live in nice gated cantonments, with our very own, but we never complain about the place. We just adapt, we feel right at home from day one. We are at home when we live in cities, we are at home when we live in towns and we are equally at home when we are in places which are even smaller than towns. The men in green and their families more often than not search for the location of the place they're posted to either on the net and even in the atlas. Do we ever think about shopping facilities, multiplexes, malls, theme parks - no we don't. They just don't cross our mind. Do we know if we'll be walking into a house? No, we do not - and yet, we move lock, stock and barrel! Do we know how big our house is going to be? No, we do not. Our husbands might be authorized different types of houses based on their years of service, but we live wherever a roof is provided - it could be a one- room house to a six-room house. Do the seepages, cracks in the wall, caked yellow distempered walls make us whine? No, they do not. Do we even pay a second glance to how the flooring is? No, we do not. Do we decide whether we will/will not live in a particular house because it is big, it is airy, it has a 24 hour water supply, it has good flooring. No we do not BECAUSE it just doesn't matter, we fit into it, we settle into it and we make it yet another beautiful 'fauji' home! Can we contemplate enrolling our children to fancy schools, the IB schools, the International schools? No, we cannot. For one, we cannot afford them and secondly, we do not know how long we'll be living in a place - it could be for as less as a year. But our 'fauji' schools are no less! They accept our children any time of the year, in which ever class they may be - and we as parents are happy with what they receive in 'our' schools! Do we ever feel that our children have lost out - no, we never! Our children have a sense of adaptability, a sense of acceptance, a sense of confidence which few in their age group exhibit.
Our men are on call 24X7, 365 days of the year. Which is to say that when duty calls, nothing comes in the way - not a Sunday/holiday, not your entitled leave, not your ill family members, not your aging parents. It's a given that you got to go and that is something the spouses and the children are aware of and never complain about. Do we the wives or the children complain when the father's/husbands aren't there for birthdays, anniversaries, new years, Diwali, Christmas, Id during illness, during school annual days, during board exams, during the birth of a child? No, we do not. We know and we proudly accept that the first responsibility of our uniformed men is to their uniform, so all these become not so significant, all so important days. We wives have been made independent enough to take decisions, to carry out the so called 'men' jobs. We renew vehicle insurances, we get vehicles serviced, we get vehicle dents repaired, we will get our refrigerators/ ACs/ microwaves repaired, we can shift houses, we can organize workforce whenever needed, we will drive ourselves to the hospital when we're not well, we'll organize the transporter for our luggage to be moved to another city..............and we will do it without once batting an eyelid or questioning why our husbands are not around. We know that our husbands have made their wills, we know that when our husbands have gone out of station on work/duty, we will not hear from them for days on end. We know that they will not be able to even call us or we get in touch with them even though we might live in this hi-tech world. We know that they are not supposed to tell us where they are going, or when they are returning...............so, we do not ask them where they are going or when they are returning. We cannot even guess when they will return based on their packing because they carry only their uniforms and two sets of clothes to sleep in. We know that the only emergency the establishment will accept for the husband/father to rush to the families side is when the wife or the child is dying.
Do we question? Yes, we do. Do we get upset about the apathy of the political and bureaucratic circles? Yes, we do. Do we want more acknowledgement, more understanding from all outside quarters? Yes, we do. But, do we cry out loud, hold protest marches, engage in mud slinging, complain, blame? No, we do not.
We do feel hurt when we hear people say 'what are the armed forces doing? there's no war'. Ever think what might happen if even for a few minutes every single soldier in uniform decides, let's just all take a break on a particular day, at a particular time! We sleep in peace, i write this piece in peace because i know i'm safe, because i know there are these absolutely selfless yet nameless men guarding our frontiers day in and day out. We do feel hurt when we hear people say 'the men in the forces live off the tax payers money'. We also pay our taxes, our taxes are deducted at source. Probably, we're the most honest tax payers because we cannot split our gross pay (not that it's much) under various brackets to avoid taxes.
Most uniformed men and their families have never voted. Why? They're never in a place long enough to be registered. Often, they register for a Voter ID and by the time it's elections they're given movement orders. The men in uniform are sworn to secrecy in many ways. So much so that even their spouses aren't aware of what they actually do, where they go, when they go, when they'll return. The men in uniform cannot speak to any media agency, the men in uniform cannot protest, the men in uniform cannot form unions, the men in uniform cannot disclose their locations on social platforms, the men in uniform cannot post selfies in uniform. And since the families too are an integral part of the system, the same apply to the spouses and the children too. Do we ever think that it is infringing on our rights? No, we do not. Probably because duty comes way way above rights in the 'fauji' world.
Yet..............
These courageous men in uniform, go on, no matter what. Is it because they're made of steel? No, it's because they know this is what they have to do, this is what they live to do, this is what they've chosen to do.........and they do it with pride, with dignity and with a whole lot of fortitude. Nothing can sum up the attitude the men in uniform possess than Alfred Lord Tennyson's lines, "Ours is not to reason why. Ours is but to do and die"
Would i want my child to be a uniformed man - Most definitely yes! Just the thought makes me feel proud!!!
Jai Hind
It's a feeling of numbness when i watch the news channels broadcasting about the INS Sindhuratna tragedy. They're debating, they're questioning, they're assuming, they're wondering, they're thrashing, they're praising, they're blaming.....................but for the men in uniform across the three glorious services - The Indian Navy, The Indian Army and The Indian Air Force, the show must go on, no matter how angry they are, no matter how hurt they are.................and, for us the families of these brave and fiercely patriotic men, the show too must go on.
I feel numb because hearing all what is said, reading all what is written, is like the world screaming at your face all that you have maybe known, maybe felt all along, but have kept quiet. You feel good that voices are being raised, questions being asked and then you feel numb because, does it take the losing of lives for these voices and questions? It was the same sense of numbness when our soldiers were beheaded by the neighbouring country.
I am proud that i have the privilege and honour of being born to a uniformed man, of being married to a uniformed man, of being a sister to a uniformed man, of being a daughter-in-law to a uniformed man! Through all these roles the one thing i have learnt is that you just go on, you do not complain, you do not cry yourself hoarse, you just do what you have to do NO MATTER WHAT, because that's what you're meant to do.
Where do we really belong? Honestly, we belong to wherever we are sent to! Yes, we live in nice gated cantonments, with our very own, but we never complain about the place. We just adapt, we feel right at home from day one. We are at home when we live in cities, we are at home when we live in towns and we are equally at home when we are in places which are even smaller than towns. The men in green and their families more often than not search for the location of the place they're posted to either on the net and even in the atlas. Do we ever think about shopping facilities, multiplexes, malls, theme parks - no we don't. They just don't cross our mind. Do we know if we'll be walking into a house? No, we do not - and yet, we move lock, stock and barrel! Do we know how big our house is going to be? No, we do not. Our husbands might be authorized different types of houses based on their years of service, but we live wherever a roof is provided - it could be a one- room house to a six-room house. Do the seepages, cracks in the wall, caked yellow distempered walls make us whine? No, they do not. Do we even pay a second glance to how the flooring is? No, we do not. Do we decide whether we will/will not live in a particular house because it is big, it is airy, it has a 24 hour water supply, it has good flooring. No we do not BECAUSE it just doesn't matter, we fit into it, we settle into it and we make it yet another beautiful 'fauji' home! Can we contemplate enrolling our children to fancy schools, the IB schools, the International schools? No, we cannot. For one, we cannot afford them and secondly, we do not know how long we'll be living in a place - it could be for as less as a year. But our 'fauji' schools are no less! They accept our children any time of the year, in which ever class they may be - and we as parents are happy with what they receive in 'our' schools! Do we ever feel that our children have lost out - no, we never! Our children have a sense of adaptability, a sense of acceptance, a sense of confidence which few in their age group exhibit.
Our men are on call 24X7, 365 days of the year. Which is to say that when duty calls, nothing comes in the way - not a Sunday/holiday, not your entitled leave, not your ill family members, not your aging parents. It's a given that you got to go and that is something the spouses and the children are aware of and never complain about. Do we the wives or the children complain when the father's/husbands aren't there for birthdays, anniversaries, new years, Diwali, Christmas, Id during illness, during school annual days, during board exams, during the birth of a child? No, we do not. We know and we proudly accept that the first responsibility of our uniformed men is to their uniform, so all these become not so significant, all so important days. We wives have been made independent enough to take decisions, to carry out the so called 'men' jobs. We renew vehicle insurances, we get vehicles serviced, we get vehicle dents repaired, we will get our refrigerators/ ACs/ microwaves repaired, we can shift houses, we can organize workforce whenever needed, we will drive ourselves to the hospital when we're not well, we'll organize the transporter for our luggage to be moved to another city..............and we will do it without once batting an eyelid or questioning why our husbands are not around. We know that our husbands have made their wills, we know that when our husbands have gone out of station on work/duty, we will not hear from them for days on end. We know that they will not be able to even call us or we get in touch with them even though we might live in this hi-tech world. We know that they are not supposed to tell us where they are going, or when they are returning...............so, we do not ask them where they are going or when they are returning. We cannot even guess when they will return based on their packing because they carry only their uniforms and two sets of clothes to sleep in. We know that the only emergency the establishment will accept for the husband/father to rush to the families side is when the wife or the child is dying.
Do we question? Yes, we do. Do we get upset about the apathy of the political and bureaucratic circles? Yes, we do. Do we want more acknowledgement, more understanding from all outside quarters? Yes, we do. But, do we cry out loud, hold protest marches, engage in mud slinging, complain, blame? No, we do not.
We do feel hurt when we hear people say 'what are the armed forces doing? there's no war'. Ever think what might happen if even for a few minutes every single soldier in uniform decides, let's just all take a break on a particular day, at a particular time! We sleep in peace, i write this piece in peace because i know i'm safe, because i know there are these absolutely selfless yet nameless men guarding our frontiers day in and day out. We do feel hurt when we hear people say 'the men in the forces live off the tax payers money'. We also pay our taxes, our taxes are deducted at source. Probably, we're the most honest tax payers because we cannot split our gross pay (not that it's much) under various brackets to avoid taxes.
Most uniformed men and their families have never voted. Why? They're never in a place long enough to be registered. Often, they register for a Voter ID and by the time it's elections they're given movement orders. The men in uniform are sworn to secrecy in many ways. So much so that even their spouses aren't aware of what they actually do, where they go, when they go, when they'll return. The men in uniform cannot speak to any media agency, the men in uniform cannot protest, the men in uniform cannot form unions, the men in uniform cannot disclose their locations on social platforms, the men in uniform cannot post selfies in uniform. And since the families too are an integral part of the system, the same apply to the spouses and the children too. Do we ever think that it is infringing on our rights? No, we do not. Probably because duty comes way way above rights in the 'fauji' world.
Yet..............
These courageous men in uniform, go on, no matter what. Is it because they're made of steel? No, it's because they know this is what they have to do, this is what they live to do, this is what they've chosen to do.........and they do it with pride, with dignity and with a whole lot of fortitude. Nothing can sum up the attitude the men in uniform possess than Alfred Lord Tennyson's lines, "Ours is not to reason why. Ours is but to do and die"
Would i want my child to be a uniformed man - Most definitely yes! Just the thought makes me feel proud!!!
Jai Hind
Lovely! Sentiments so beautifully expressed
ReplyDeleteThanks!
DeleteRespect. Very eloquently written Caroline
ReplyDeleteThanks Avantika! How're you doing?
DeleteHave no idea why my name comes up as the interviewer. Avantika Sinha
ReplyDeleteLIke the sound of it though - THE interviewer :)
DeleteHaha, it's like I can't leave my old role behind :P
ReplyDeleteI'm doing well. How are you? Stop ignoring me and meet me already!!