Just read a very interesting blog written by a good friend and immediately thought about my first knowledge of LGBT. Before I begin, Rohit's blog is http://rohit05kumar.blogspot.in/2013/02/classroom-stories-iii.html.
I moved into a university hostel while doing my graduation. The hostel campus itself was huge. We were close to 1500 girls living in the 4 girls hostels within the campus.
My sis-in-law was a few years senior to me in college, so by default I was included in her circle of friends. They welcomed me with open arms, were very protective of me as I was straight out of school and, really cared for me. That's how I got introduced to Aradhana (name changed). Aradhana was almost 9 years my senior, but we hit it off instantaneously. She had decided to study further and was now pursuing Archaeology. She was the first person who introduced me to the Gujarati word 'dikra' which roughly means my child. There was a certain comfort level I felt while with Aradhana. I was her 'dikra'. My free time would mean me going to her room and chatting with her, hearing about excavations and new findings.
A couple of weeks into knowing her and one day when I went to her room, she took out a cigarette!!! I'll never forget the look she gave me while she was lighting it! She said nothing, just took it out, lit it, all the while looking at me through her flicks, with her head tilted to the right. Somehow, I just accepted it! Was it because she made no big deal about it? Was it because she didn't take me aside and share it as a secret with me in advance? Maybe. Maybe, that's why I wasn't scandalized. For a small town girl like me in the late 80's a female smoking was not even a thought!! Now, when I think about it, A made it seem so normal, so natural, so 'her'. Guess that's why I wasn't uncomfortable.
A was involved in an excavation project in the Kutch region of Gujarat. There were some fellows from Britain who were also involved. This meant that she would be away for months and also that she made new friends from the other country. She particularly hit it off with a particular student.
It was sometime in 1991 that A took called me into her room and said she wanted to share something with me. It's then that she told me, through the cigarette smoke, as always addressing me as dikra, about her orientation and that she and the fellow student were in a serious relationship. She had already introduced me to her girlfriend, so I knew who the person was. For me, it was a big blow. In fact, a mighty huge blow. I was numb, I couldn't react. I felt cheated, I felt let down. I didn't say a word then and for a few months after that. I would just not take any path which would mean me bumping into her. A in her classic style of protecting me her dikra, just let me be. If she did see me she would just smile, the warm genuine smile. It's during those few months that I realized that I wasn't upset about whom she loved, about the sex of the person. I was upset and hurt because I hadn't known about this part of her for so long, that she had shared so so much with me but not this. And when that realization dawned, I just ran straight back to her.
Did A's sexual orientation change anything about the way she felt for me or I felt for her? No. it didn't. She was the same A to me, I the same dikra. Did A's sexuality really matter in the bond that we shared? No, it didn't. Certain things are very personal and so is sexuality. Who am I to comment or pass any judgement on that????
Those three years of hostel life 1989- 1992, were the first big learning years of my life - of independent learning.
Independent because, I was alone, met many people, heard many stories, experienced many cultures from within the country and other countries. My thoughts, my opinions, my reactions were based on my judgement, not about what my parents or my teachers thought. I treasure those days cause I think that's where I first learnt the importance of being objective when I am dealing with people. It's where I first learnt that I have to look at a person not through my glasses but just as a person who has her own way of living, likes and dislikes and.........her own orientations. I have to respect a person because she is a human being just like me. I should not expect people around me to do things the way I do. And, more importantly are my actions right??????? This is more from the perspective of people who are my friends. They are my friends because there is something about them which makes me comfortable, makes me want to talk to them, to spend time with them. And that's what should matter to me. If for some reason I just do not agree with a person, if we both cannot like respectful human beings 'agree to disagree', then, it is for me to decide to take an alternate route, rather than create more bad blood.
